Archive for category BCW

None? At all?

I do. OMG I DO!

I owe this to y’all because of the previous post I wrote on M&B. In my un-ending quest to master the art of writing a romantic story (irony!) and also because my brain was functioning only at that level, I read this book called ‘What I did for Love’ (sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? I read it anyway) by one Susan Elizabeth Philips. To my credit it has all the points I listed out for you in the above-mentioned post. But to her credit she made her characters dark and realistic enough to hold my interest, for a while at least. Anyhow, the point in my writing this mini-post is to showcase what I like about her writing.

In spite of being a b***h I have never been the one for below the belt comments. But look at this one. The context is that the guy and the girl get married in Vegas (like Ross and Rachel) when under the influence of drugs someone gave them without their knowledge. They are both celebrities and the paparazzi follows them everywhere, blah, blah and they are in a situation where they can’t afford to let the world know they’ve done something so stupid. So they decide to carry on with the act and to convince the world that they don’t hate each other as much as the world thinks, the girl comes up with a plan to create good publicity.

Girl: Lunch at the Chateau on Wednesday, then dinner at Il Sole on Thursday. There’s a big Alzheimer’s benefit in a couple of weeks. A charity ball is right after that. We eat, we smile, we pose.

Guy: No balls. None.

Girl: I’m sorry to hear that. Have you talked to a doctor?


If you wondering who BCW is, beware!

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I did mention Mushy B**ch Consultant Writing - but i intended this one to be Mills & Boons Consultant Writing.

While Vinni@13 was busy having a 6 month romance, BCW@13 had only theoretical knowledge - having read all the Mills & Boons Romances in this world, probably more…

At significantly older than 13, I surprise myself by remembering what these books were like. At the ‘heart’ of it they were all the same… Then I thought, may be I can write one too… but man! I am too cynical. But I do know the vital ingredients of one, in case you want to write one. Ah! Before you get any ideas, I am not going to write any censor-worthy stuff, just the non-existent story line to which you can add the said stuff ;-)

1. a. All guys are tall, dark and handsome, mostly rich too.
1.b. Of course, there is variety when it comes to girls - all you have to do is mix and match eye color (sea-blue, cat-green, whiskey-brown, honey, etc), hair color and ‘build’ (no options here, silly!)…as long as she is dazzling or there is something that ‘pulls’ the guy.

2. Their bodies fit. Perhaps like jig-saw puzzles, so that the moment they hold each other, they know he / she is the one. So the next time you are in doubt, just throw yourself on the person in question, and er…let me know.

3. They don’t think twice before sleeping with someone, but they freak out when they actually fall in love. And they discover their true feelings at the oddest of times, while watching her do the dishes, watching him scratch his beard…e.g:’it was at that moment, she realized with rising panic, she had fallen in love with him…”are you ok? you look pale!”, “nothing, i skipped lunch, that’s all…”

4. They will hate each other at least once because of something they eavesdropped on / understood out of context /someone who misguided or blackmailed them, etc. And its during the hate phase, that they will have the hottest scenes. ‘oh! no! after all these years! i thought i had gotten over it! i still want him / her, my body is betraying me, desire warring with dignity, blah, blah!…’ (me thinks none of them have an iota of dignity, smirk!)

5. Kissing is one of the forms of punishment. So when the girl provokes the guy or the guy is anyways angry with her, he just pulls her into a smoldering kiss and says ‘that should teach you a lesson’ and the girl just stands there with a quivering chin or whatever.(Does this ever happen? If you are angry, be a man and punch her face. Or be a real man and stomp off!!!)

Anyways, now you add the names, the setting, other characters as required to create jealousy, misconception, blackmail, etc. You can throw in a toddler for the cute factor. And last but not the least, the hot scenes which you can cut-paste from any M&B (they can’t claim IPR on this, and they can never guess which book its from anyways). Bingo! You have an M&B romance!

p.s: BTW, I may have just given you a business idea - Spencer’s Retail sells M&B for 99 bucks. Just let me know if you need any more help, I have nothing better to do.

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Mad Miranda

Mad Miranda

Yes! The name is inspired from ‘The Devil wears Prada’. I don’t think much of the book or the movie, but when I saw Miranda on screen, I thought, “There she is!!!” – ‘She’ runs the firm that I work for; also tries to run my life whenever possible.

Everyone will have at least one bad boss in their lifetime. Though I haven’t worked for that long, she is striving real hard to be ‘the bad boss’ of my lifetime. She made me feel responsible for the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers. I should hate her for that alone. But she is so… hopping mad, I can only roll my eyes, nod in a sagely wise manner and tell her I will see what I can do about it. She acted exactly the same way when crude oil crossed $100 a barrel. Didn’t I survive that?

Anyways, Mad Miranda is likely to frequent my rantings more often than the rest. So I owe you guys an introduction. She can single-handedly drive a bunch of intelligent folks over the wall. She is worse than all my clients put together. She is the boss Jack Welch warned you about.  Mad or not, she is the mother of all b**ches! (May be I should call her MOB; after all she isn’t as fashionable or decked up like the on-screen Miranda.)

Wait till you get a load of her… in the life and times of BCW!

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