Tribute to Gascoin Man

This post is a tribute to the greatest urban legend, Gascoin man. I was talking to Rohan the other day and we were reliving all our school memories. Gascoin man, was something we created who used to spread joy with his farts and noxious burps. The crazy things we did to please our very own urban legend.

We had a quiz once; Rohan was the quiz master with me competing with Aditya. Vibhas, I think was trying to figure out who farted in the room. Eventually he figured out it was our very own quizmaster. I lost out on the tie breaker finally, because the first one to fart got to answer the question. You could never beat Aditya to that one.
Rohan and I once had a fart competition. Believe me, I am not exaggerating one bit here; Rohan farted 67 times in 3 hours and lost falling short by around 15. Now that I think about it, it could have easily gone on to becoming a Limca record.

Our hero was Boogerman; a character from the game by the same name who burps and farts around to kill the bad guys. I downloaded the game recently, now a freeware. We used to play this at Rohan’s place on the console. I am sure his parents used to be very worried about is. We were becoming a lot like boogerman. My mom once gave this lecture to all of us on etiquettes; and I farted in the middle of the speech. You should have seen the look on mom’s face!

Booger!

But all that could never change us. We were the feared perpetrators of noxious gases, and we used to fart in class and gross out girls. That’s how we grew up in middle school. Nothing would bring back those carefree days when we would leave the mess we got into to our parents. Funny how we grew up, and we tend to become so serious about life.

All four of us eventually got more interested in girls, but no matter where we are now I think we could always say there is a bit of gascoin man in all four of us. And no matter where we are I think we’ll always take that childish insanity with us. I think this is also more of a tribute to the kid in us! Cheers to that!

What i could use….

A lot of dreams we have are very relevant to what we say during the course of the day, the people we meet, and the incidents that leave an impression. As a sales guy, there is a lot of pressure I face each day, and live another day to talk about it.

Last night’s dream was just a culmination of all the things I was going through. I don’t remember it fully, but here goes the course of events that do seem bizarre but this is what a sales guy goes through, day in and day out.

Sniper

I strode into the huge building in the afternoon. The customer had wanted to buy some exotic hardware and I had barged in when he clearly showed no interest in what we were selling. I don’t quite remember the discussion we had at this juncture, but I do remember chasing down the customer with a gun.

Soon we were running in open fields, and I took a sniper shot at him from the top of a tree. I grinned with a lot of self satisfaction. It was probably what he deserved. I walked to the site of the kill, and picked up the deer. Yes, a deer. And I don’t quite remember any disappointment with the fact that customer I killed happened to be deer. Given a chance, I would shoot all my customers like deer with a magnum!

I walked back into office and my parents were waiting for me. So while my dad was giving me sales gyaan, I was trying to make some quotes and sipping some tea; which is when my mom remarked, why I was drinking blood! BLOOD????!!!! I looked into my glass, and after much deliberation I think I concluded it was my customer’s blood. I might have drunk it with relish but I was driving a truck now.

Apparently, I had a delivery to be made, that had been delayed by more than a month. So while I was driving across a heavily crowded New York City, I was also checking my mail with my steering wheel. I had no clue; one could type using a steering wheel.

Steering

I woke up at 11 today. I was feeling weirdly satisfied. The thought of hunting down a customer and feasting on his blood and having successfully sent mails from the truck with the steering wheel; both of which a sales guy could really use!

A page from the diary of a sales guy

The picture you see below is the first search result for ’sales guy’ on google image search. Do try it.

Sales Guy?

Mondays are painful. The weekend tends to get over way too soon and Sunday nights are not relaxed. I start getting depressed about the new week ahead.

I woke up today at 845. The alarm was set for 7 am. I smoked two cigarettes just to wake myself up, and headed for a shower. I made myself a quick breakfast with corn flakes and some mangoes. I strolled into office at 1015; and boss called me for my funnel review. I knew it was not going to be nice.

“So what are closing this week?”
“Nothing”
“That’s what you said week; and what about the ones you committed last month?”

Such questions have no answer to, and I went through with this for two hours. Each and every case in my funnel was drilled down to the bone. I needed a smoke after the two hour date.

“And come to office earlier from tomorrow!”

I then left to meet my customer at the university. There was a tender that was royally screwed up by a channel partner of ours. After the cleanup work, I was, I was back in office; trying to sort out the escalations at another customer location. The last 3 months, I have had my bandwidth choked because of one customer who can’t seem to get his enterprise hardware working. I am surprised such people are given money in crores to spend on IT. I am not complaining about the money, but I do wish they learnt a few basics of IT.

I rolled out the education bundles finally in the evening. I have a feeling they would click and we can get some money out of it too. It’s an interesting concept, where the college also makes money. Hows and whys, I could probably not share online.

I came back home at 8 PM, and made myself a drink; to write this first post in the series. Tomorrow is a new day, so let’s keep the cash register ringing shall we?

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