The Donkey, the Chimp and the Starfish

I find a lot of companies doing their bit of social media since everyone else seems to be doing it. So here is the typical situation a marketing manager finds himself in:

Scene 1:

Marketing Manager: I have money to spend on marketing. I have already spent a huge amount on sales promotions. Let me try this online media thingie.

Scene 2:

Digital Media Agency ‘Social Harakiri’, is one of the oldest in India with offices worldwide gets the wind of the matter, and decides to meet the Marketing Champ. Let’s call him Donkey. Just for fun.

Sales Executive, Mr. Chimp from Social Harakiri is all excited about his meeting with Donkey.

Scene 3:

Donkey: I want to engage the customers with my brand, ensure high brand recall and I must be able to position myself well in their minds. (And other MBA jargon for which he remembers only the keywords and forgot the meaning!)

Chimp: Look no more, Facebook and twitter are here. We will create a facebook fan page and twitter updates for you. You will be able to talk to your customers like you do face to face.

Blah .. Blah .. Blah

Donkey: Ok, sounds good. How much will it cost and how do I measure the effectiveness?

Chimp: 30,000 bucks a month and we will provide all the reports to you weekly and measuring effectiveness is simple; just see the number of fans!

Donkey bends over backward, takes a nice little hump from Chimp and seals the deal.

After 6 months…

Number of facebook fans has ballooned to over 100,000 and twitter has over 2000 followers. The situation is looking grim primarily because the discussions on the fan page border around the following:

  • On wanting to make frandship with other fans
  • Making lavship with models
  • Uploading pictures of theirs in various cool poses
  • Engaging in fruitful discussions with fans on how to make better franships and progress towards labships.

Donkey finally realises that the people he are taking are of no consequence to his brand, and are not brand ambassadors that he hoped for. He decides to call Chimp again but he has already moved to another Digital Media agency, The Social Rape. He is put across to Starfish, the executive with five arms and no brains!

He decides bloggers are the only to way to plug this gap; to add an intellectual prowess to the online community.

Starfish immediately gets to work; by calling the PR agency his girlfriend is part of.

“The Blogger Strategy Plan” they devise:

  • Organize a Blogger Meet where:
    • They would launch their latest product
    • Plead to bloggers to go back home and blog about the new product
    • Have a long PPT about the benefits of the new product
    • Call models and do the jazz
    • Invite them through EventBrite and Facebook
  • Organize a Blogger Contest on Facebook fan page
    • Get a phenomenal response by frandship freaks who share more wannabe snaps and like status updates
    • Get 3-4 bloggers who finally blog after much cajoling and coaxing.

Declare that bloggers are the right way to go because they can’t handle them or know how to leverage them.

Are you the Donkey, the Chimp or the Starish?

2 Responses to “The Donkey, the Chimp and the Starfish”

  1. ketanNo Gravatar says:


    What are you?

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