I did mention Mushy B**ch Consultant Writing - but i intended this one to be Mills & Boons Consultant Writing.

While Vinni@13 was busy having a 6 month romance, BCW@13 had only theoretical knowledge - having read all the Mills & Boons Romances in this world, probably more…

At significantly older than 13, I surprise myself by remembering what these books were like. At the ‘heart’ of it they were all the same… Then I thought, may be I can write one too… but man! I am too cynical. But I do know the vital ingredients of one, in case you want to write one. Ah! Before you get any ideas, I am not going to write any censor-worthy stuff, just the non-existent story line to which you can add the said stuff ;-)

1. a. All guys are tall, dark and handsome, mostly rich too.
1.b. Of course, there is variety when it comes to girls - all you have to do is mix and match eye color (sea-blue, cat-green, whiskey-brown, honey, etc), hair color and ‘build’ (no options here, silly!)…as long as she is dazzling or there is something that ‘pulls’ the guy.

2. Their bodies fit. Perhaps like jig-saw puzzles, so that the moment they hold each other, they know he / she is the one. So the next time you are in doubt, just throw yourself on the person in question, and er…let me know.

3. They don’t think twice before sleeping with someone, but they freak out when they actually fall in love. And they discover their true feelings at the oddest of times, while watching her do the dishes, watching him scratch his beard…e.g:’it was at that moment, she realized with rising panic, she had fallen in love with him…”are you ok? you look pale!”, “nothing, i skipped lunch, that’s all…”

4. They will hate each other at least once because of something they eavesdropped on / understood out of context /someone who misguided or blackmailed them, etc. And its during the hate phase, that they will have the hottest scenes. ‘oh! no! after all these years! i thought i had gotten over it! i still want him / her, my body is betraying me, desire warring with dignity, blah, blah!…’ (me thinks none of them have an iota of dignity, smirk!)

5. Kissing is one of the forms of punishment. So when the girl provokes the guy or the guy is anyways angry with her, he just pulls her into a smoldering kiss and says ‘that should teach you a lesson’ and the girl just stands there with a quivering chin or whatever.(Does this ever happen? If you are angry, be a man and punch her face. Or be a real man and stomp off!!!)

Anyways, now you add the names, the setting, other characters as required to create jealousy, misconception, blackmail, etc. You can throw in a toddler for the cute factor. And last but not the least, the hot scenes which you can cut-paste from any M&B (they can’t claim IPR on this, and they can never guess which book its from anyways). Bingo! You have an M&B romance!

p.s: BTW, I may have just given you a business idea - Spencer’s Retail sells M&B for 99 bucks. Just let me know if you need any more help, I have nothing better to do.

You could also read


  • By jumPa, January 7, 2021 @ 3:32 am

    u read M n B.. hehehe

  • By Vinni, January 7, 2021 @ 3:52 am

    aaey! chut, i don’t man. read the author’s name!

  • By Sowmya HS, January 7, 2021 @ 4:23 am

    I tried to read an M&B ten years ago… Could not go beyong 5 pages…

    Good sarcasm…

  • By BCW, January 7, 2021 @ 6:57 am

    yeah! that’s the point. how does something so trite sell so much? The company celebrated 100 years of existence recently. its a damn good business i say, even if we look down our noses at the content. i have just told you how to write any number of books that sell for 100 bucks each! say ‘thank you’

  • By Vinni, January 7, 2021 @ 8:24 am

    :) all thanks to the BCW. hope i am not ruining your reputation here! LOL.

  • By Vinni, January 7, 2021 @ 8:25 am

    well if people can find your posts interesting, anything can sell. :P

  • By BCW, January 7, 2021 @ 10:51 am

    @ vinni: ppl read my posts (and yours) for free. selling millions of copies, year after year, is a different thing, isn’t it?

    and u fear (gleefully so) for my reputation because?

  • By Vinni, January 7, 2021 @ 4:20 pm


  • By shailesh mishra, January 7, 2021 @ 5:11 pm

    I am already forwarding this link to those who think M&Bs’ are romantic bestsellers and guys watch Basic Instinct because it’s a classic Thriller. You’re gonna get labeled MCP if not already done.

  • By Gayatri, January 7, 2021 @ 5:39 pm

    I floated this idea by you first! I need credit for the M&B writing contest info :P

  • By Vinni, January 8, 2021 @ 9:08 am

    please address all disputes to BCW. :)

  • By Divkiran, January 8, 2021 @ 11:53 am

    Ah! M&B… wt a topic
    the first time u read it, its like OH WOW!!!

    and by the time u read the 3rd or the 4th one, its like… where did i read it before!!! LOL

    but well, it does sell like hot cakes for sure… had this classmate in school who grew up to be this MnB maniac and wasnt happy with the guy she married cuz he was nothin like the hero - FREAKY!!!… some ppl really do take it seriously eh!

  • By BCW, January 8, 2021 @ 1:14 pm

    @ Shailesh: Aww! I can never be an MCP even if i tried, what with me being female of the species and all ;-)

    @ Gayatri: I didnt know abt any contest when I wrote this post. I swear Vinni is innocent too :-)

    @Divkiran: More is the pity! and ppl dont realize it sells so much cos men like that don’t exist. HOT, rich, funny, patient AND in love with the girl? poor men, how are they supposed to be all of this? besides me thinks flaws maketh a man! just nice ones…

  • By Friends with Rajan, January 9, 2021 @ 4:33 am


    I loved this post.
    I read couple of M&Bs as a kid and realized their uselessness…
    “So when the girl provokes the guy or the guy is anyways angry with her, he just pulls her into a smoldering kiss and says ‘that should teach you a lesson’. ” I actually find this kind of hot. Spl in real life ;)

  • By Prats, January 9, 2021 @ 6:13 am

    You actually came up with this…
    I read my first & last M&B 10-12 Years back. But a good business model…lets start it asap :-)

  • By Sumukh, January 9, 2021 @ 11:17 am

    “If you are angry, be a man and punch her face.” - lol… now that’d add some spice to the stories :D

    the ‘HOT, rich, funny, patient AND in love with the girl’ would end up gettin prison love then :))- that could create a new set of books altogether with a different target audience.

  • By Vinni, January 10, 2021 @ 6:39 am

    my friend: your boyfriend must be something! but as a friend i am also angry at you! ;)
    prats: BCW did.
    sumukh: you need to be working harder at work!

  • By BCW, January 10, 2021 @ 8:26 am

    @friends with rajan: thanks for loving this post. hot, in real life..eh? well then! May the new year bring a lot more angry scenes in your life ;-)

    @Vinni: don’t be J. May the new year make you angry with a girl of ur choice ! (generous with blessings, aren’t we?)

  • By BCW, January 10, 2021 @ 8:32 am

    @ Prats: I came up with this and I am game to start up pronto (In case you are worried abt my credentials, I have an MBA from the perennially no.4 B-school in India ;-))

    @ Sumukh: Murderous ideas! like i said…real men tend to stomp off, perhaps to have beer and play games or something (may be to watch a movie made for the different target audience) ;-)

  • By Arthi Madhusudhan, January 18, 2021 @ 11:04 am

    That was refreshing!!! I’ve been searching for something that makes me smile and this post literally lit me up… Where have you been? Why only the occasional pearls?

    And of course you can write ;) May be you should try an Indian version - tall dark handsome remains the same, just that the virgin secretaries will now become voluptuous fair maidens and add some figure hugging sarees, running around trees and emotional drama to fair measure… and surprise! you already have a best-seller!

  • By BCW, January 19, 2021 @ 9:18 am

    virgin secretaries (chuckle!) how did i forget them? but yeah! i already know a lot of ppl who are indianizing M&B’s. Even movies. Jodha Akbar had a few scenes ‘inspired’ from a Nora Roberts book i had read (rolling my eyes)

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