The 4 Cs of Consulting – Part I

Dilbert

It may not be the McKinsey way of consulting, but it’s definitely worked for me. Here goes…the first C!

CYA (Cover You’re A**): This is in fact a universal principle to be followed by any human being working for any other human being, since the nature of the beast is to find someone to blame, whenever something (including his own life) goes wrong. But, it’s a must-have especially in consulting.

How it works:

Client: I wanted the report today, BCW!
BCW: You did. We need some more time; it’s been only 2 days since we got your data
Client: My boss is going to be very unhappy
BCW: Rightfully so. (with you, right?)
Client: You agreed to the deadline.
BCW: That’s true. The proposal does say 10 working days from receiving data.
Client: (Thinking) (Gotcha!) So what do we do know? (we? WE? @#$%^$#&*!)
BCW: I will do my best to get it out at the earliest
Client: Can you send it by Monday?
BCW: That should be possible.
Client: Good then! I will buy that time for you (generous of you, ungrateful pig!)

How it doesn’t work:

Reporter: So you already had intelligent reports about this attack?
Minister: Sure we did! What we did not have was the time! What we did not have was the place!
(BCW: and the names? passport size photos? contact address and numbers? It isn’t a goddamn movie where the bad guy calls up the good guy to tell him that the bomb is in a black suitcase in the market and goes off in 5 minutes, so that the good guy can rush there, beat up a dozen hooligans on his way and cut the yellow wire, with 2 seconds to spare… May be you couldn’t do much with the intelligent reports, may be it was too late, but, hell! why do you have to make such statements? Told you, we consultants are better than politicians)

I keep six honest working men. They taught me all I know. Their names are WHO KNOWS? WHERE CAN I FIND THAT? HOW EXACTLY? WHEN CAN YOU SEND IT? WHY NOT NOW? WHAT THE F!@#?

- BCW

And you better know who BCW is! (Click here!)

- Vinni

11 Responses

  1. PreetiNo Gravatar Says:

    F*ing hillarious!

    Who the hell is BCW?

    :D :D

  2. VinniNo Gravatar Says:

    who is BCW? you ask that question in an open forum? my god. it was good to have you here preeti. but still for what its worth, please check the page - BCW

  3. The BCWNo Gravatar Says:

    @ Preeti: Hey, thanks for the comment! I am sure you will know who I am…eventually!

    @ Vinni: Aaw! Don’t u talk like that. Only I get to be mean around here

  4. samNo Gravatar Says:

    lol… well.. i’ll knw in a year i suppose!!

  5. The BCWNo Gravatar Says:

    oh yeah! we’ve got all the time in the world ;-)

  6. Arthi MadhusudhanNo Gravatar Says:

    Wooo Hoo!! You rock girl!! So right about the stuff on politicians and consultants… we are definitely way better off (phew!! how lousy is our benchmark!!).

    Looking forward to hear lots more from you…

  7. The BCWNo Gravatar Says:

    @Arthi: Oh yes, you gonna hear a lot more from me, calling me a girl, of all things! but then you also said i rock, so i guess i will let that pass…thanks and everything!!!

  8. SNo Gravatar Says:

    This has potential to be “… what they didn’t teach you at B-school and certainly won’t tell you at induction”.

    What I like best about it is that it focusses on the first person - the ‘consultant’, and not the ‘client’ or the discipline of ‘consulting’ - these our ears are tired of flapping to.

    They tell you to ‘take ownership’. Doesnt work well without the ‘CYA’ principle. Nope.

    BCW.. let the other Cs out. Looking forward to them.

  9. DivkiranNo Gravatar Says:

    Ah so true so true

    hum sab ka ek hi motto hai - CYA else get kicked in the same place…LOL

    Good one vini

  10. The BCWNo Gravatar Says:

    thats one wise comment! abt getting kicked…

    but ‘good one vinni’??? sigh! he has disappeared ppl, a leading light in the society for prevention of cruelty to blogs…he shouldn’t be doing this.

  11. ArchanaNo Gravatar Says:

    how much ever u cya… it s not enuf..
    may be thats why it s also referred to as hole.. :)

    cheers.. to the pathetic state of consultants

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