He loves me, he loves me not..


29 July 2008. I remember it like it was yesterday. What was that? Oh sorry! Wrong date! I meant 9th May 1996 of course. The first time I saw him. You see, it was only the previous evening that we had picked up the glasses my optometrist had prescribed for me. We were classmates, good friends even. But I had never been able to see the precise shade of brown that his eyes were or the exact no. of hair strands that stood out on the back of his head or his sixth finger.

We were to be tested in Geography that day. With only 10 minutes left, would I make it? Why was “Tujhe dekha to ye jaana sanam” playing in my head? Had everyone else finished writing? Oh no, wait, there was K, the class dunce, with his notebook open too. That didn’t bode too well for me, did it? Hey, who was that who just passed by, in the corridor? Teri baahon me mar jaayein hummmmm… “5 more minutes, everyone!” announced Mrs.V. Oh shit! I began scribbling frantically in my notebook. “4th question? Just 2 more. Come on, babe!” I looked up and blinked into his face. Did he just call me a babe? A BABE! That was, like, the ultimate compliment! He thought I was a babe! Visions of him and me, running around trees, holding hands, laughing, singing a hit song, flooded my mind. Someone was shaking me. Shoo! Not now. We were about to exchange garlands and become husband and wife forever and ever and ever… Someone was saying something somewhat remotely pertinent to me “Time’s up, my dear. Submit your notebook. Come on now.” Oh well. Love demanded such sacrifices, I thought as I submitted my notebook.

That night, I realized that there was only one way to ensure our future together. You guessed right – the FLAMES test. For those of you who do not know what that is (Are you kidding me? You don’t know? Please don’t ever say it out loud unless you are feeling suicidal.) contact me; I shall explain it at length to you. For now you need to know what the alphabets stand for. F – Friendship, L – Love, A – Affection, M – Marriage, E – Enemies, S – Sex. (What’re you sniggering at?) No matter how many times I went through with it, the result was always the same – E. We could end up with M but we’d both have to change our names drastically. I rubbished the whole FLAMES business and went back to blissfully daydreaming about him.

The next day in school, he looked nervous. What was the matter with him? During the second hour, as I was about to drop off to sleep, I received a jab in the back and a note. “Meet me near the big tree behind our block in the lunch break. Top secret! – B” He sent me a note! Suddenly, life was much more exciting. Come lunch break and I waited with bated breath at the tree. He stood facing me, apprehensive. “I don’t know how to say this” he began, “I have a crush on G!” he exclaimed. WHAT! That sickening vixen! He had a crush on HER? “Will you talk to her for me? Please! You’re the only girl I feel is not a typical girl. I mean, you are a girl, but, I don’t know. Anyway, just tell her that I like her and ask her if she likes me. No, don’t ask her that! I mean, I don’t know. So, will you?” He expected me to talk to that cheap cow on his behalf? I was so mad with rage that I wanted to punch his face hard enough to break his nose, then hit him with a spinning kick to his torso and then give him the old one-two. But I wasn’t going to do that. I was far too noble for such heinous acts. I smiled a sweet smile as I stamped on his foot, delivered a double fisted blow to his back as he was bent over and topped it off with a sharp kick to his groin.

But things have been just peachy since then. Not a single fight, not a single disagreement, in fact, not a single word has been spoken between us till date. Talk about perfect endings!

Thanks to Laasya for this wonderful post! She lives in Bahrain, and is a south indian by heart and a good friend. Weird at times, and jovial usually. Not to mention the usual crankiness, but lovable :) Be careful, she is not as cute as the teddy as she looks.

To get in touch with her, use the contact me form and ask her more about the FLAMES formula.

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  1. #1 by PSYCHO on July 30th, 2008

    Well..what can I say.
    Brilliant as always. Subtle yet sharp in wit. Subtle blend of sarcasm and cynicism. Worded beautifully. Perfect.

    Poor guy. On the nuts. Worst that can happen.

  2. #2 by Rachna on July 30th, 2008

    :D Yeah, it was a delight to read!

  3. #3 by Bugs on July 30th, 2008

    A kick to the groin….. ooooouch!
    I must stay out of the kicking range when u come down :)
    Nicely written though….

  4. #4 by Div!!! on July 30th, 2008

    Good fun it was :)

    ANd reminded me of my school time and FLAMES…lol used to be so much fun doin it for all the couples and the not so couply ones…lol

  5. #5 by Laasya on July 31st, 2008

    @Psycho
    Thanks, I’m blushing!

    @Rachna
    Glad you think so. Thank you.

    @Bugs
    I’d rather you didn’t DO anything to make me kick you “there”.

    @Div
    You remember the FLAMES formula? Yeaayyy for you! And thanks for reading.

  6. #6 by Nikhil on July 31st, 2008

    I did not realize that this was a post by a guest blogger until I reached the end of the post… As I started reading, I thought to myself, “Oh no! Vinni’s gay!” :D
    But, lovely post, dear guest blogger! Amazing! :D

  7. #7 by barath on July 31st, 2008

    Yeah!!! well South Indian, akka..

    That was a good one, including the kick!! But poor kid,,

    and we had S for sister in FLAMES, everyone of us would be scared what if a sister comes, and I remember one of my classmate crying all night in the hostel , as he checked the flames and he got sister and also partly RAKSHA BANDHAN was to come in a week,,,

    Lovely one, Guest Blogger, hope you still don’t go around kicking guys in groin :)

  8. #8 by Laasya on August 1st, 2008

    @Nikhil
    Thank you very kindly.
    But I just want to clarify, do you mean Vinni writes as badly as I do or that I write as well as him?

    @barath
    Thanks!
    S was for Sister?!!!I guess we were a corrupted lot.
    I don’t kick guys as a hobby or anything, but when they’re asking for it, I don’t like to disappoint.

  9. #9 by vinni on August 1st, 2008

    nikhil, the guest blogger is laasya! :) and surely, i am not GAY!
    LOL

  10. #10 by Svetlana on August 1st, 2008

    Yes! Vinni is not a GAY!

  11. #11 by Prats on August 1st, 2008

    Reminds me of my school days when we used to do this….
    And always be dreaded of the last ‘S’…U knw why….

  12. #12 by Sachin on August 2nd, 2008

    Reminds me of my school - college days……… nice post……. i don’t know how come we guys are so dumb not to realize that someone is in love with us……sadly for me by the time i came to know that she loved me things had changed drastically ……….. :)

    Keep writing ……. :)

  13. #13 by Laasya on August 2nd, 2008

    @Svetlana
    ummm…I don’t know how you say that with so much conviction. I haven’t had a chance to verify either way with Vinni.

    @Prats
    Good times!

    @Sachin
    Sadly, this isn’t restricted only to men. Happens to both the sexes. Maybe one ought to be able to pick up on the subtleties and possibly be more sensitive to people around you.
    Thank you!

  14. #14 by vinni on August 2nd, 2008

    ha ha ha. believe me you, i am NOT! and laasya, MUAH!

  15. #15 by Gayatri on August 5th, 2008

    I guess you’re gonna overthrown soon for all your guest writers :D

  16. #16 by Laasya on August 6th, 2008

    @Vinni
    Umm…Still can’t tell. Don’t stop trying, though!

    @Gayatri
    Us guest writers? Overthrow Vinni? NEVER!
    We would only beat the living daylights out of him and fight over where to bury his body.

  17. #17 by Himanshu on August 7th, 2008

    Hey nice blog and a cute post. Enjoyed reading it!

  18. #18 by Natascha on August 8th, 2008

    Vinni is so cute!

  19. #19 by Preeti on August 8th, 2008

    Laasya,

    Very funny post, if you dont have a blog already please create one as I would love to read more about your view on things. Personally, I think I like your writing more than Vinni (Vinni-now you know what Women want ;) )

    Cheers,
    Preeti

  20. #20 by Vinni on August 8th, 2008

    my my. this is not going the way i had planned it. laasya, forget you blog, you write for me full time. heck, i’ll pay you too.

  21. #21 by Laasya on August 9th, 2008

    @Himanshu
    Thank you

    @Natascha
    ummm…….

    @Preeti
    That’s very kind of you, thanks a lot. I am a li’l too lazy to maintain my own blog, but I don’t mind taking over Vinni’s. Thanks again!

    @Vinni
    Let’s talk numbers.

  22. #22 by Ketan on August 11th, 2008

    Lol…
    FLAMES….i did so many FLAMES with so many probable FLAMES, that i cannot remember which FLAME burned me…

    Nice read.

  23. #23 by Natascha on August 12th, 2008

    @Laasya

    Oh yeah! ;)

  24. #24 by Abhijeet Rajwade on August 14th, 2008

    Hey, Nice Blog.

    I saw the Pune blogger meet details on the indiblogger.com

    When are you planning the next meet. I am very much eagar to participate.

    Abhijeet

  25. #25 by Meghana on August 14th, 2008

    FLAMES! that word give me flashbacks of my teenage years! We probably tried it with EVERY cute guy in class…and if just the 1st name didn’t work, we added the last name to see if fates could be changed. ;-) Good post!

  26. #26 by Vinni on August 14th, 2008

    i am planning one in hyd sometime. you can come for it anytime man!

    @meghna: good to have you back here! cheers!

  27. #27 by Anu on August 15th, 2008

    That was a lovely read, the way around a flames E was to give different versions of the name.. say first and last name…!! Brought back a lot of memories :) !

  28. #28 by Laasya on August 16th, 2008

    @Ketan

    Ouch!
    And thanks.

    @Natascha

    Come again?

    @Meghana

    Maybe we should start a debate on Fate or Free Will. ;-)
    Thank you.

    @Anu

    Happy memories, I hope.
    Many thanks.

  29. #29 by Natascha on August 18th, 2008

    No! Not again. :P

  30. #30 by Harish on August 19th, 2008

    I admire your courage to come out of the closet with this sensitive post about your real preferences. I knew that the silent furtive looks you gave Aty could only mean this. I appreciate tha..

    Oh Wait…its a GUEST BLOG…Phew…yeah..he he…load off my mind..Hope I did not reveal too much..*nervous laugh*

  31. #31 by barath on August 20th, 2008

    If you are planning one meet in hyd, do let me know buddy!!

  32. #32 by Vinni on September 4th, 2008

    sure man, i will do that and maybe laasya can come too!

  33. #33 by sam on September 13th, 2008

    lmao!!
    poor guy!!
    btw, i’ve forgotten the flame test.. how do u do it??

  34. #34 by megcloud9 on October 20th, 2008

    hey i thought S was sisterly affection ! holy shit ,i’ve been tricked !

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